Post by Virth on Mar 19, 2009 23:37:09 GMT -5
Ok here's the prologue of my novel that I was writing 2 years ago.
It's not really good, now that I re-read it.
So...I'm going to put in a few changes...
If you find any grammar mistakes, or have any questions, just reply.
btw the books name is Flame
And this is really...really bad...D:
--------------
Water blasted through the giant hose, spraying water above the burning house. A window blew into shards as fire burst towards the outside air, causing black smoke to trailing from the house and into the dark sky. The loud sirens of the large fire trucks could be heard throughout the neighborhood as people stepped out of their houses and stood in the side walk with fellow neighbors looking on to see what is going on. They whispered to one another with a look of worry on their face as there judgmental, incriminating eyes stared at the bright flames erupting from the house.
The flames were slowly defeated by the cold water, groups of firemen searched the house for survivors from the family of four. Cries from a child could be heard as the firemen pulled and pushed the many debris out of their way. The firemen pulled together to push away the last chunk of burnt wood, hoping to being able to see a child. The child was a young boy, around age nine, crying in the center of the still burning living room. His hands were clutched over his eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks and dripped past his mouth.
The firemen rushed over to the boy, trying to save him from the still crumbling house. One got in front of him, trying to talk to the boy as others searched around for the others. The boy had cuts all over his arms, blood rushing down to his elbows and dripping to the floor. The fireman looked down at the floor, his eyes going wide. The floor around the boy wasn't burnt at all, the debris also had seemed to completely miss him.
He looked back into the boys eyes. The boy's eyes were wide, bloodshot.
Scared.
The boy looked back into the fireman's eyes, twitching slightly as they moved.
"Get away from me!"
He screamed and backed away, fearing the taller people. An explosion sounded above them, making the ceiling crack open, and fall. The fireman jumped forward, picking up the screaming child and rushing him outside.
The other firemen brought out the unconscious sister shortly afterward, barely injured. His parents were badly burnt and unconscious. They had many cuts and bruises everywhere. The family was rushed to the hospital.
Black smoke stopped flowing shortly afterward, as the flames in the house died away. Neighbors trailed back into their houses, going back to bed after the late night, even with worry on their minds.
It's not really good, now that I re-read it.
So...I'm going to put in a few changes...
If you find any grammar mistakes, or have any questions, just reply.
btw the books name is Flame
And this is really...really bad...D:
--------------
Water blasted through the giant hose, spraying water above the burning house. A window blew into shards as fire burst towards the outside air, causing black smoke to trailing from the house and into the dark sky. The loud sirens of the large fire trucks could be heard throughout the neighborhood as people stepped out of their houses and stood in the side walk with fellow neighbors looking on to see what is going on. They whispered to one another with a look of worry on their face as there judgmental, incriminating eyes stared at the bright flames erupting from the house.
The flames were slowly defeated by the cold water, groups of firemen searched the house for survivors from the family of four. Cries from a child could be heard as the firemen pulled and pushed the many debris out of their way. The firemen pulled together to push away the last chunk of burnt wood, hoping to being able to see a child. The child was a young boy, around age nine, crying in the center of the still burning living room. His hands were clutched over his eyes as tears rolled down his cheeks and dripped past his mouth.
The firemen rushed over to the boy, trying to save him from the still crumbling house. One got in front of him, trying to talk to the boy as others searched around for the others. The boy had cuts all over his arms, blood rushing down to his elbows and dripping to the floor. The fireman looked down at the floor, his eyes going wide. The floor around the boy wasn't burnt at all, the debris also had seemed to completely miss him.
He looked back into the boys eyes. The boy's eyes were wide, bloodshot.
Scared.
The boy looked back into the fireman's eyes, twitching slightly as they moved.
"Get away from me!"
He screamed and backed away, fearing the taller people. An explosion sounded above them, making the ceiling crack open, and fall. The fireman jumped forward, picking up the screaming child and rushing him outside.
The other firemen brought out the unconscious sister shortly afterward, barely injured. His parents were badly burnt and unconscious. They had many cuts and bruises everywhere. The family was rushed to the hospital.
Black smoke stopped flowing shortly afterward, as the flames in the house died away. Neighbors trailed back into their houses, going back to bed after the late night, even with worry on their minds.
